i'm lonely but free.
hahahah. cs anyone?

it feels damn cold. i hate the cold.
i feel an emptiness inside me, like i lost something.
i think i have, but i don't want to act rashly.
so i'll relax for a moment and see what's happening first.

it feels so cold...
and this is why i hate the cold so much.
hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.
i feel lucky to be a man.

i'm not sure what i did, or have been doing.
i guess i need to set my eyes straight so i can set off moving.
if i really do feel so cold, then why am i not sad like i used to be?
i don't really understand it, it just feels kind of...light.
like someone removed something from me.

to tell the truth, i wanted to see how you were.
but i cant sms(-.- sry guys, i really cant for at least 1 month)
and i'm afraid to call.
so i just kept quiet.
i think its better this way.
every time i try to help someone, another person has to pay a price.
that's not called helping, right?
i don't want others to feel pain when someone else is safe.

"i might end up liking you instead."
"don't worry, you'll hate me. everybody does."

"don't kill everybody that does something bad to me."

"you swear you won't emo anymore?"

"i won't promise something i can't keep."

so tired.
go ahead and let me go.
the only thing holding me back now is you.
because i've learnt to love everything else but you.
it always ends this way for me.

i don't love you,
like i did,
yester...
(guitar explodes)
day, hey, yeah,
i don't love you, like i loved you yesterday.

no neeeeed, no need to go looking for her.
i'll end up being hurt anyway.
so why would i want to do something that would end up killing me?
i still have things to do, i'm not chasing after her anymore.
its a useless thing to do.

and, i rmb what i said now.

god, you piss me off.
hahah, i can still hear it.
i've never felt better after being so angry.
that memory is strange, cos after that i felt so good.
there's just so much stress in me i can break something, then smile.

i'm violent, i guess i need something to do to release it.
i'll miss cs with my juniors.
cca can't be the same next year.

______________________________________________________

when the lights are out,
i'll be shining on,
i'm just gonna let my life,
bleed on this letter,
write my song,
sing on forever.

would i love you when i'm gone?

results of the test:

fully completed-
yongliang
adriel(the noob)

programming completed-
taupok/kenneth
kanhon


sry if i miss out. tag when you finish.

cybernetics 2008 individual test, 2008 batch.
created by hilmi/icicle_guardian, for cca purposes.
any complaints pls rmb how badly we did in njrc, and see if you still dare complain.

PART 1
BUILDING EXAMINATION

1)Build a 4 wheeled NXT robot capable of moving a fully packed set.
2)Build a robot capable of line tracking, spinning, turning and climbing a ramp.(if the ramp isnt broken-.-)

PART 2
Programming examination

1)Format the current mission that you did, complete with the variables AND show me the program.
OR
2)Create a programme that shows how to line track with 1 light sensor, 2 lightsensors, detect an object at a distance of 10 cm, sense the edge of the playfield using a touch sensor and stop.(in a straight line, in order)

end of test.
answer 1 qns from each part, write your answer on notepad/MINDSTORMS/word.


____________________________________________________________

i feel very empty inside, i dunno why.
maybe, i should think whether what i do is actually because of my duty or because i want to.
i could have made a decision based on my bias towards ppl i have a duty towards.
i need to set straight my ideals and concentrate on how i can release myself from my this trap of confusion.
i get tired, you know, when i become confused everytime i think of you.
its a waste of my time.
i'm not sure of how a girl thinks.
but i'm very sure that i don't want to chase after someone for the rest of my life.
i guess...
i want to find out, what i actually want to do.

THE CYBER LVL 1 PROGRAMMING TEST(of doom)

2 questions, answer one

1)change this format to nxt, then call me come check. you noobs.

lightsensor
1)>40
3)>45

start

forwardab 100
wait for 1)

reverseab 75 left
100 deg

(lighttracking)
3676 deg

forwardb
2s

forwardab
200deg

forwardaab
1s

reverseb
2s

forwardb
1s

forwardab 60 spin
waitdark1)

(linetrack)
3676deg

stopab

---end of formatting---

2nd qns ask me tmr.

____________________________________________________
i'm back...

lol, come back from malaysia must straight away go cyber.
see my great devotion to cca.-.-

short summary of overseas holiday-
1) we paid 2k RM to do what i do at home-.-
2) we eat 10x more than usual, but i gained only 2 kg
3) found out my bill is $100, and can no longer sms to see if rly is i send one, or a fault in th billing system.

i mean, come on. i'm busy all th time how could i send 1.6k msg???
i dun think its possible, but have to find out.

anyway, i'm kinda tired out.
i'll just leave the bloody story here, so i can emo finish and keep my promise to her.


______________________________________________________________

"how long are you gonna keep doing that?"
the young girl who was saved in the storm was now walking around healthily.
luckily for her her injuries were merely superficial, no internal damge was done.
the same could not be said of the young boy's ego, as he fell again and again, trying to climb up a fruit tree.
evidently his weak body could never climb that high tree.
"do you think i care? i won't lose to you, arrogant idiot!!"

5 years ago...
"do you think i care? i won't lose to you, arrogant idiot!!"
"so what? you can't do it!! don;t do something dumb!!!"
"damn you!!!it's my life ok. don't disturb me."
she could suddenly feel a strong violent aura radiating from the young, 10year old boy facing her.
although they were of the same age, he felt to her 10 times stronger than his age, and that much more dangerous too.

"thank you. it's over. i'll come back after i'm done."
"you won't. no one comes back after they do that.
i want to tell you something..."

"listen. i already know that you like me. thats why i hate you so much. i'm not talking to you again."
she stared as he walked away to a certain death.
she shattered and fell to the ground, her heart was racing and screaming.
she wanted to chase him and tell him not to go to the great battle where they would lose.
she had the gift of foresight. all she could see was...

"hey, i made it. see? i'm right beside you."

hey, i made it. see? i'm right beside you...

a memory so painful, it hurt to forget it.
it would never leave her.

"are you listening?"

bodies strewn all over the floor.
blood splattered on the walls.
a gleaming blade stuck into the old wooden floorboards.
and he was on the floor, unmoving in his final position.

"hello..."

a tall dark figure giving the darkest, worst aura you can feel.
a violent face with the eyes that burn into your soul.
its over.
he's gone from her.

"hey!!! you're gonna fall!!!"

she couldn't move.
she was really falling from that tree.
the floor zoomed towards her strong but small body.
it hurts so much...

____________________________________

you know wad i hate the most?
naming characters.
if anyone can see, please give me a good name to name the 3 characters.
i lazy think-.-

______________________________________
hey, i hate being puzzled all the time.
if you think something is gonna make me confused, just tell me, it is/is not about me.

after all, i'm still a guy.

__________________________________________

The user is on hi(low)atus.

he will be back when he comes back.

dun miss me, cos i'll be back before you know it, guys.

ROCKON!!!!!!!(Help me take it off. very heavy)

the darkness is darkest before the dawn.

it's not coming...

sharp lightning flashes across the skies in sudden streaks of yellow.
the eerie light and sharp sounds strike fear into the villagers stuck in the storm.
strong gale winds tear along the large fields of crops, the leaves bending and swaying.
the wooden huts that housed the villagers rattled sharply as their terrified inhabitants cower in fear.

a flash of lightning illuminates a dark silhouette on a distant hill.
it is a young child of medium stature.
he trudges along in his mud soaked and water logged clothing.
the rags that were once his pants were sagging, clinging onto his skin like a pair of wet rice sacks.
the shirt he once wore proudly was torn, the emblem of his family torn and shredded almost to pieces.
in his right hand, he dragged a long blade.
it scratched a long line as he passed through the muddy fields.

"Momma, look! A man!"
the excited cries of a young child broke the silence in one of the houses.
the poor mother tried to close the window but to no avail, the hinge was jammed and the frame was broken anyway.
"he'll die if he just stays out there."
"i'm going to save him."
a young boy slowly opens the door to his house. clutching a big piece of cloth, he drapes it over his skinny excuse for a body and runs out.
as he quickly rushes to the tired boy outside, he realises that it is not a boy.
it is a small girl, her eyes blazing as sharp as fire even though the rain pouring down is worthy of being called a flood.
the gleaming blade she carries shows no sign of dulling.
her long and unkempt hair is draped wetly over her back.
she manages to stare at the boy for a while before losing her footing, and collapsing.
the young boy catches her lightly.
despite his stick like figure, he manages to carry her and cover her with the cloth.

raising the girl onto his shoulders, he carries her back to his house.
"i...don't need...your...help..."he hears her mumbling in her semi-conscious state.
he admired her fighting spirit, but this was not the time for foolish pride.
"keep quiet. you can whack me later."

"you...keep...your word..."

____________________________________________________________________

done.

i found a way to get rid of emo or tiredness, just write a story!!!lol.

competition tmr, need to get mentally ready.

if we lose...

then too bad for us and the juniors.

how many people really care how hard we work?
how many people bother to see who does what they actually need to do, but still fail?
the end does not justify the means.
i'll do it right or not do it at all.

watch me, school.
cyber will never lose again.

i wonder if i ever managed to help anyone before.

what i want i cannot have, but thats the way it has always been.

its like a blunt knife being driven into me.
its as if i get hit on the face again and again.
every time i see it it just kinda hurts, but i won't say a word.
because others suffer worse.

went to sch for cca again, did the aprc robot.
it still needs a bit more work.
other than that, the cca's fine. so dun worry, mr nathan/sean.

...i looked at it again, and i still feel hurt.
hurt that i cant do the same for you.
i'm not good enough for you, thats a fact.
but i'm not going to leave your side as long as you want to keep me.
because, not only are you my -------, you saved me.
although it was kinda crude.

i'm so happysad.
this sucks but its good for you.
it hurts, dammit.
this is really, really confusing me.
i'm sorry.

lol. i did it alrd, go reply me later, if you nt too busy or tired. ok?

first day of cyber training. bloody sean never come. funfair ah, huh? funny ah?
wasted quite a lot of time, must see tmr how.
and tmr, you're going to work!!! good luck.

other than that nth much happened.
and i dun have many great theories to say.-.- i'm slacking.

i cant say a word as i watch you go on,
i don't know if you actually want me to stay.
the thing is, i never know what i can say,
i'm just waiting, wishing you would talk to me instead.


cca tmr. i'll be lucky if its nt wasted on stuff like packset for 10 hrs.

... i hope tmr i can keep a cool head.
if i lose it, then all is lost-.-

after so long, people's strength begin to fade.
as they collapse, a new generation will rise to power.
but will this new generation be able to support the old fallen ones?

we are that generation.
if we fall now, what will happen to the ones before and after us?
...

_____________________________________________________________________
i feel damn tired still, but my injuries are healing.
i dunno why i'm injured, i didnt do anything rough.
something's very wrong with me-.-

we wasted time at some sch thing today.
it wasnt worth my time, but what else could i have done at home. dota?
i guess i should be appreciative that i even had time at all.

other than that, there's nth much else that happened.
its not boring, but...i just feel uneasy. like something is waiting to happen.

i'm doing work again.
i never thought that after i spent so much time doing work at sch i would have to go back home for the end of year holidays, just to do more work-.-

but i cant complain. its not like i have a job liddat. don't have to go back at 8.

_____________________________________________________________________

i'm tired again, but not emo.
-.- i'm sick.(ill, not perverted.)

i wont say how, cos its not like you guys would worry.

why am i so tired?
i feel...emotionally drained.
i never felt like this before.
i could just collapse, faint, sleep.
but i cant, not yet.
i still have stuff to do.-.-


__________________________________________________________________
hahahah.
i melted when i saw you say that.
maybe i'm greedy.-.-
but it was wrong of me to say that.
so...
i wont ask it again.

i really regret what i did.

maybe, rushing into something blindly like i always do will never help me like it did last time.
when will i ever learn?

i don't know...
i don't know what i mean to the people around me, so i act the way i do.
i'm learning.
i need to do it fast.

from now on, i won't act rashly.
i'll try to think carefully before i make any move.
even though it's not really my way, i don't want to repeat mistakes again and again.

if what i did to anyone reading this blog has made them feel angry, sad or pissed with me, then i sincerely apologise.

i need a guide to show me the right way.
i need to think before i talk.

_______

can you see this?
or are you gonna avoid me again?
i'm sry for wad i did, although you nvr liked me apologising.
i hope its not too late.
i...i nvr realised the effects of wad i did.
i nvr realised...what i actually am.
i acted in a way you didnt like, but i nvr stopped myself.
g_____ed, i can't find what i'm supposed to do to help you.
you love your freedom. i understand.
you can have your freedom, i'm just a bit worried.
i have become a nuisance, havent i?
no, i'm not emo.
i'm trying to think as clearly as possible.

g____ed, you rmb that you can fire me anytime.
i'm very grateful you havent.
i'm very grateful you saved me from my emo self.
i owe you so much more than i can pay you, more than words.
i rly do miss you, but who am i to control you.
i hope, you don't cry, because...
because everytime you cry, i've failed again.

g____ed, i won't ask you not to leave me.
i don't control you.
so...
forgive me for what i did.
i'll try not to worry too much about you.
don't worry about me as well.
but not caring for me is a bit too far if you're still my friend.
rmb wad 'dun care him lah' still means to me.

__________________________________________________________

i am the only thing i'll be.
serve with sarcasm, lameness and eat well before expiry date.
enjoy.

tsk.

i cant find it, i cant find what i'm looking for.

i thought ___ never ran away.
i thought___ kept your past.
but everywhere i search, the only thing left is your footsteps.

i cant find the real ___.

and i dun dare to ask directly, i'm afraid of insulting/bringing problems to ___.

i will find a way, to find out ___'s dark past.

then...maybe i can understand ___ better.

stop me now if ___ see this, and dwan me to know.

____________________________________________________________________

1hr of searching later...

i found it.
but...
its not what i hoped for.

when a person has done something wrong, he has to apologise.
is it too late?
but what if the person he wronged hates being apologised to?
then what should he do?
its not your fault, but mine i think.
i need to go out for a bit and think,(but you know how my parents are).
but if i go out i'll get lost-.-
maybe, i just move too fast but too slow for everyone.
i don't really know.
that's why i go to school to learn.
when you need other people's view on a subject, no matter how harsh, stupid, weird, strange or boring it is, you must learn to accept it. and i'm learning to do that.

i'm not cutting ties with you, i was never angry.
i'm just not sure what i have to do.
can you help me?
so now, i'm taking a back lane so i can just sit back and think.
i still want to help you, i don't want to see you sad or angry.
i'm not you, i can't understand what you go through, and maybe i never will.

so, i hope you forgive me.
i am, but a human. no matter how strong, how smart, how old or how young, i can't be you, and i can't be exactly who you want me to be.
i think i need to find that out by myself.
take this as my apology if you want, although you hate it.
if not, tell me what you want me to do.
i can't afford to nose around in other people's business,
i'm not stable enough to do that.
i'm not strong enough to take the truth if you don't tell me, because i don't know how i should react.
you did help me when i was emo.
i'm leaving that behind, so i can sort out who and what i really want to be.
so, thanks for your help.
you hate this too, but that's me. too bad, cel.
if you ever see this, tell me you have.

i'm waiting for your reply.

_________________________________________________________________

and back to the real me.

i wonder if i should complain.
i got a lot of work to do, although i wouldn't have it any other way.
i want to be a better person, so no choice.
i just hope i don't screw up in cyber anymore.
i've made many mistakes, so now i must repair them-.-""""

i'll be back before anybody knows it.

wow.

its over.

lol, i just said it, and its the 7th rejection.

hahahah.
i wonder why i'm not emo, just a little sad. who wouldnt be?

i think...all the ppl who left me, who broke my heart, it wasnt really their fault.
but it was wrong of them.
i understand why, so its a bit hard to say who was actually at fault.(most likely me.-.-)

i cant believe it.
i'm still feeling tired.

have my emotions fallen through?

sometimes, i wonder why.
people call me weird.i hate that, i just don;t say it. stop it.
I'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired.
don't worry, i'll pull through. you did too.
i won't be violent, but i might implode.
i'm paranoid, yes, but if i wasnt, your heart might have shattered a million times.
i'm not great. i'm the worst person who could stand to help you. i still wonder why i did, though i don't regret it.
i nvr know wad to say too.
i saw myself crowding the left margin today. the one i cant forget isn't her. it's you.
i'll use the whole paper, when i find myself strong enough to move again.
you know what?

i love you. but i can't say it. i can never say it.
why was it you?
why did it have to be you?
its a living hell to fall in love, and you're nvr happy.
face it, i'm a failure.

the last thing i can hope for is the final grace of god, as he catches his falling servants.
our god is a good and merciful god.

The darkness has not yet passed. stand ready.

1 day left until 'o'lvl higher mt.

if i screw up, i dunno wad i'm gonna do-.-

and there's still many things that need to be done.
what cyber, the present, the conference, the thing, the other thing, and the next thing, the(lame.)

i don't think i was cut out to live alone. seeing myself likethis is alrd difficult for me.
what am i doing? the real me wouldn't be here, typing this.

hell, i would have been breaking something by now, if i was th old me.

...what have i done?
what did i do to get here?
why am i so pissed?
why am i tired?

i'm nvr lying down,
nvr surrendering.
but i'm so damn tired of fighting myself.
there always something i cant do.

i want to win.
i nvr want to fail again.
but all the time i find myself falling into a pit of darkness.
change?
the only change i get is if i pay more to a cashier.

one day,
i'm gonna change so bad,
you're nvr gna recognise me anymore.

and even then i wont be happy.

when the clock turns one day,
you never know where it will stop.
maybe the battery will die,
maybe the gears will break and stop.

one day, i'll be a changed man.
i won't be the same,
too much has passed since then.

when i'm not lame,
when all my jokes are gone,
when i'm through failing you,
when i'm passing on,

will you be there?
would you see me as i leave?
cos one day, i'll go,
and who knows, when we'll meet again.


rly, i should be modifying songs instead of writing them.

who cares -.= i'm gna go do what i'm supposed to.